The gravity of my embarkment hasn't quite caught up with me, but I think I can feel it pulling me in a little more each day. I took the prayer time of church today to think about what all I had to do in preparation for January 3. I have payments to arrange, checks to write, goodbyes that have to occur, and tons of time that I need to spend with my friends and family.
The anxiety grew when I saw the email telling me that my final payment is due in a few weeks. I sat down a few days ago and budgeted everything out, and I'm still short. And I don't mean short as in, $20 short, I'm talking like...$4G kind of short. Eating is overrated, so I didn't even include that into the mix, but since a movie costs $20 in Sydney, I'm not anticipating a cheap box of Cheerios either...
The worst part is that I feel I'm running out of options. It has been hard enough asking for help from loving members in the church community, but when I realize how much more I have to go, I get overwhelmed. The scholarships that I'm waiting to hear back from won't even be announced until the end of December or into January. Sorry kids, but I'll be halfway around the world when you finally decide if I need the money or not...
Everything comes gradually and at its appointed hour.
-Ovid
I love my family though. I told my father this afternoon, "Dad, in about two weeks...I need $4,000." His response was simply, "Ok." No hesitation, no forethought. He then asked the exact day it was due and the current date, and he said, "We can do it, don't worry about it. There's no sense in worrying over something you can't control." That is where my father and I differ. He leaves some things to fate, and I believe that you can control anything and everything. If something goes wrong, it isn't fate's fault, it's our fault.
After dinner at Montelongo's tonight, my father really wanted some Gummy Worms... don't ask. He also bought four scratch-offs; one for each of us. They were the Elvis ones, so when we chose the one we wanted, the only difference was his facial expression. I picked the one of him just staring at the gambler, no real emotion, basically saying, "Yeah, as if you've got a winner in your hand." I joked saying, "Maybe I'll win $4,000 on this and then I can move on." My mother, sister, and father all scratched for nothing. I took my turn at emotionless Elvis and, ironically enough, won 1/1000 of what I thought I would.
Everything works itself out, and this will too. Some things are better left to fate. I'm just a little edgy because I wish fate worked itself out a month ago.
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